Worst bike racks — from the useless to utterly unusable places to park your bicycle

If you get to enjoy the seamless efficiency of locking your bicycle to a nice, practical Sheffield Stand or other appropriate cycle rack when you nip to the shops, work or wherever you're off to, don't ever take that for granted.

After all, as you've almost certainly experienced elsewhere, there appears to be a never-ending conveyor belt of case studies (many of which have attracted much disgusted gawping on this website) showing that while the act of providing a place for people to safely lock their bikes should be oh so simple, it often isn't.

Why do designers keep trying to create new (and often utterly useless) bike stands when there's been a perfectly good design available for years? That's the question we'll be asking in a future feature. For now, here's our journey through the worst of the worst. We've got plenty to get through so let's get moving...

The definitely middle-aisle racks...

 New Sheffield Stands? Tick. Dedicated cycle parking housed in an aesthetically pleasing wooden structure? Tick. What could possibly go wrong? 

Thankfully Aldi acted quickly to sort out these portable bike racks outside its Leamington Spa store, but not before they'd been ridiculed with the full force of the internet. "Someone discovered that the new Aldi hadn't actually secured their bike stands into the ground and they can just be lifted out," one local rider raised the alarm, prompting the parking being dubbed "middle-aisle bike stands". 

Not exactly bargain-hunting if you emerge with your low-cost scran only to find your bike (and the rack it was moments ago secured to) has disappeared...

Déjà vu?

On the subject of a good idea poorly executed...

> "They are supposed to keep bikes safe": Councillor disappointed at "extremely light" cycle racks leading to bike thefts

This is the newly installed Edinburgh bike rack which the council this summer insisted "meets design requirements" and "uses standard fixtures". No, really... that despite an allen key being the extent of 'machinery' needed for a would-be thief to get their hands on your pride and joy.

Every bike rack has its thorn

One more for the poorly executed Sheffield Stand collection...

Because nothing says 'let's encourage customers to make more journeys to our supermarket by bicycle and reduce car dependency' quite like... filling their parking spots with plants for sale. Ironically, the cyclist who spotted this had "only a few weeks" earlier been "saying how pleased I was by the providing of adequate cycle parking provision at the front of the store".

For more from the genre, see also...

.@roadcc like many other retailers, they just DGAF about those who cycle! Seen it with @LidlGB, with @Homebase_uk as well as @TheRangeUK pic.twitter.com/cToaLaFkOV

— @2_Wheeled_Wolf @ mastodon.social 🇪🇺 (@2_Wheeled_Wolf) May 3, 2022

Right, on with the worst, weirdest and wackiest bike racks out there.

The toast rack

An all-time classic. Tell us you've never used a bike rack without telling us you've never used a bike rack. We had plenty of fun with this last summer...

Hey when you really have to put your toast somewhere safe pic.twitter.com/rhf6UbdU6f

— Bikeview.ca 🚲 🐰 (@bikeviewca) May 5, 2022

 The Turkey Twizzler

[Dermot Ryan @dermotryanie / Twitter]

Enough to give Jamie Oliver sleepless nights. Sorry, Lidl, this is your second mention on this list, this time over in Dublin where Dermot told us "one Lidl bike parking facility in my area still uses the design". Presumably only to be used properly by two people at a time, one at either end (plus any extras with road bike tyres, and a great deal more patience than most, in the middle). A bike rack to answer the question of how can we use as much material as possible while providing minimal spaces?

The banging your head against the wall bike rack

[Peter Hall @Carlislehall / Twitter]

Outside a Tesco in Macclesfield is where you'd need to head to spot this wildcard. I say spot, because looking at this is about as much as you'll be able to do with it... good luck getting a bike in there. As Peter explained: "If you could get your bike in here, you'd bend your wheel quite easily."

Banging your head against the wall part two

[@ajft / Twitter]

I mean, at least this one is usable (by one person at a time). Unless of course we're not giving the designer enough credit and they're banking on attracting loads of aero-conscious pro cyclists with super-skinny bars? Hmmm, maybe...

"An overly complicated fail"

"Ableist" and "useless" were just two assesments of Manchester Piccadilly station's new bike parking provision when it was unveiled earlier this year. The design, which will be familar to many of you from other stations across the United Kingdom, has been accused of being less secure than alternatives and unfriendly for disabled people, presumably all in the quest for a greater number of spaces.

road.cc reader Two-Wheeled Wolf commented at the time: "Alas these ableist cycle racks are being put in and allowed by councils because it sounds better when they claim there is loads of cycle parking despite it being useless for those with non-standard cycles and cargo bikes."

Good to know those who leave their bikes at the station have as much fun as those who try to take theirs on board...

That's our contribution to the terrible cycle racks discourse. Now it's time for all of you who have been itching with anticipation, scrolling through this to get your pictures of crimes against bike parking in the comments. What have we missed?