DEAR DOUCHEBAG BIKE THIEF.... ‘poor student’ writes to criminal who stole Giant bike

a foolish appeal to find the better nature of a criminal! he's just alerted the thief, who will now have plenty of time to ditch/sell the bike. after that, there is little that can be pinned on the individual, even with a tracked address....

'subjugating and pillaging your ancestors'

Actual lol. God bless her, she does a wonderful job. I certainly wouldn't be able to do all that waving.

The Queen has a job to do... she get did not apply for it or ask for it... she gets paid for it... in my opinion she does a good job of it... some nice perks of the job... but she is still welcome to it....
Would be interesting if she had stolen the bike....
"You are nicked your Majesty"
"No I am not... I can do no wrong... it says so in our unwritten constitution...."
"Where is it not written in our unwritten constitution?"
"Look son, just piss off before I have you locked up...."
The Queen cycles off flicking the v's as she goes...

Although the Queen is paid from the public purse, the money is raised from the Crown Estate, which was the property estate that her ancestors built by subjugating and pillaging your ancestors.

'You don't own the Queen, the Queen owns you bitch!'

I pay for her, so I (part) own her.

Hope he gets the bike back, but it looks a lot to me like a bluff. Otherwise he'd have just call the police surely?

True, that.

'Obviously foreign? Then why "our majesty's (sic) finest" rather than "her Majesty's finest"?'

I beleive the miserable old cow is queen of various countries.

Either way it would be nice if he got his bike back.

Can anyone who is on twitter confirm if that is the case yet?

I don't understand why the student hasn't just called the cops.

I might post a similar notice asking for the time back from this time thief as it has taken me 5 minutes to read this rubbish article and following comments.

Well I guess as he can't go for a ride, so he decided to spend some quality time Photoshopping pictures to put on Twitter

If you zoom RIIIGHT the way in, you can see that the text is surrounded by 'noise'/greyish fuzzy stuff that is shaped suspiciously. It's all rectangular, which makes it look like it wasn't a natural picture, but inserted there afterwards. The 'DEAR' bit also seems a slightly off.

It's odd though, you'd think if someone wanted to fake it, they'd just print a real one themselves and take a picture of that... The world is full of mysteries...

I like the idea of 'our Majesty's finest' though. It sounds a bit more egalitarian than 'her Majesty's finest', because this way, we all get to be Majesties. That's nice.

More to the point: who the hell are "our Majesty's finest"? Certainly can't be referring to plod!

I think most of you are missing a good opportunity to unite against bike thieves. Whether this is real or fake, poor grammar or a bluff, who cares? Let's use any weapon in our arsenal to disrupt, deter and bring to justice bike thieves and handlers.
Yeh!

At least Critchio knows what he's on about

It's possible, it just won't be in the seat tube....don't want to spoil it, but there are a number of places they can be concealed.

Calls himself "a student" with sentence structure and grammar as bad as that? Looks like he's barely literate to me.

If you know the thief lives, why not just post the letter through their letterbox?
Seems a bit daft leaving it in the place where is was stolen in the vein hope the thief might return and see it.

Sounds like a bluff, but good luck to him. It may not be fair to stereotype an entire profession, but I'm yet to see one appear on Mastermind...

All a bit prissy and elaborate. He might just as well wait for the thief to come back, slap the thief's cheek with a glove and demand satisfaction.