Cyclist’s naked toilet stop in field drives Yorkshire farmer potty

I always carry tissues...

How far was the offending turd from the nearest public convenience. Perhaps the phantom crapper was trying his best to reach them but couldn't hold it in and in his haste the field was the lesser of two evils.

I take it that the farmer (like all good farmers) cleans the shite off the roads after his tractors and animals have made a mess of them.

Couldn't agree more.

Especially as I recently spent a very unpleasant 15 minutes or so clearing dog shit from my mother in laws front garden.

I was tempted to put up a sign offering to go around the owners houses and taking a dump on their sofas. I came to the conclusion that the dog owners probably wouldn't notice.

Whether you've been before you go out or not, the urge can come on quickly and then you've no choice. Public conveniences are not that easy to find in the middle of nowhere. I've had to go in many a bush over the years.

If you spend your time outside then at some point you're likely to need to take a shit outside. The first rule in this situation is BE DISCREET!!! The secong rule is make sure you have something to wipe with. The third rule is BE DISCREET!!!

What a plonker.

And that goes for Paula Radcliffe as well.

It was OK for the nation's darling Paula Radcliffe to curl one off on live TV, what's wrong with a chap trying to do one in private?

TAM'S MUCKLE TURD.

Intae the wids amongst the trees.
Tam bared his erse, his cheeks to ease.
Nae sinner hud his breeks gan doon.
Than shitty flees were swarming roon.
Intae the wind he bared his baws
And from his erse a big keech faws.
The reek it curled amoungst the trees.
‘twis enough tae make the birdies sneeze.
An’ a’ the bees on bended knees,
Got sick a fricht o’ Tams big erse.

Big Tam wis in awfy pain.
It came oot his erse like a nine pund wean.
Thur wis a tear faw fi’ his eee
For a bigger shite you’d never see.

Big Tams erse wis raw an sair.
Says big Tam I’ll shite nae mair.
Yonder it lay amoungst the grit.
A dirty stinkin’ muckle shit.

Yonder it lat si saft, si fresh.
Nae een, nae teeth, nae brains, nae flesh.
I swear it never drew a breath.
Tams Muckle Turd.

this incident happened near leyburn and was in my local press. people may have either sympathy for the rider or antipathy for the farmer but this is my local patch and there is a local contingent of moaners here complaining about the tour coming: road closures, road repair priorities being directed to the race route, school closures on the friday before the race, and groups of cyclists tearing through their villages riding the route so people doing what this man did on private land, in the open, and not in a particularly remote area where there aren't cafes and pubs to stop (this is yorkshire, not alaska) does not help those of us who live and ride here all year round in our relationship with our neighbours, not does it do much for the image of the tour itself

Just a quick question to all those who think this is highly amusing.

If someone took a dump on your drive/front garden/doorstep would you be happy about it?

If it is not acceptable on your properties, why is it acceptable on somebody else's?

Take a dump before you set off, and if in any "doubt" take a dump at the first toilet you come across. Having a crap in a farmer fieldis just not on. What sort of impression does it make for the rest of us?

I'd mad as hell if I was the farmer, it's just not on. Making a promise to clean, then buggering off and leaving it says everything you need to know about this character.

TDF in Yorkshire should leave a good impression, thus sort of thing totally undermines the organisers hard work

I'm still bemused at the paper though!

If you must, use the bag you keep your phone in and throw it in the next bin.

Always go before you leave.....it less weight to lug around!

Or one of these ? http://road.cc/content/review/121010-cycloc-loop

I have always been suspicious of blokes in skin suits.

There's so many crap jokes here they write themselves.

Lot's of points of concern, lady farmer's description of 'race' could be sportive or anything? and whilst not condoning , it is a fact that many Councils are closing public toilets and in the dales there are big gaps between settlements where one might find anything open?

To be fair to the rider, I'm going to assume that he didn't go out with the intention of crapping in a field. Most of us would rather use a proper loo if one is available and I'm sure that this guy is no different, even if he does prefer to bring his own choice of clean-up materials.

I've been forced to take a couple of wild poos in my time and I can say with some certainty that it's a last resort. Cycling is one of those activities where you can find yourself a long way from a real toilet. I hadn't heard of the bags designed for the purpose before now. Maybe worth considering, although the prospect of carrying 'leavings' in my jersey pocket alongside my food makes me a little uncomforatable.

edit: I've just had a look online at these bags and it looks like they would not be practical for cyclists due to the way they work. They appear to use a powder that expands into a gelly when wet and I honestly think that a used one would be too big to carry in a jersey pocket. They look like they might be a useful thing to have on-board for touring though.

Farmer objects to human pooing in field that he has either set aside for animals to poo in or that he is going to dump loads of chemicals in at some point to increase yield?
Farmers = custodians of the countryside and fucking hypocritical Tory badger killing scum.

As any parent knows, IT IS ONLY POO. If you've never had another person's poo on or near you, you're either childless, or going to the wrong parties.

Nobody ever had the squits cycling? You're not trying hard enough/eating enough gels.

I wrecked myself dashing around Ireland. On the fourth day I had spasms as though the Four Horsemen were upon me. It was enter Dublin to greet my wife covered in squits or find a bushel. So I found a bushel. And some nice wipey leaves.

Matt Stephens has got caught out too. Poo is the great leveller. Ask The Queen (don't).
http://www.vulpine.cc/Blog/bikes-tech/matts-musings-1

Nature can catch us unawares. Especially if you're pushing Nature's limits. Its a little unfair (actually its bullying) to try and uncover the identity of someone who is probably (and rightly so) mortified. Keith, be nice, use your time for good, not evil.

Though my argument is somewhat undermind by the presence of toilet paper........ Maybe he has 'issues'.

WE WANT TO SEE THE PICTURE

Haven't done Glastonbury. But some of my memories of other festival bogs were that of a plank of wood with a hole cut into it suspended above a huge pit lined with industrial tarp. Slurry tanks were brought in to drain the offending mixture.