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Mr Penis Head holds forthVideo: "My name is Penis Head" — meet Britain's sweariest driver
Sometimes helmetcam riders get talking to drivers who’ve done stupid things and the conversation goes no further than a simple apology, albeit often followed by “mate, I didn’t see you”. But sometimes, despite being clearly in the wrong, a driver will go right off the deep end anyway, like the chap here who we’re going to call Mr Penis Head, since he says that’s his name.
It’s one of the few repeatable things he does say and you’ll want to turn down the volume if your workmates have tender ears.
In the video, the rider who goes by the YouTube handle Urbane is crossing a roundabout at what appears to be the end of Harbourne Gardens in Southampton.
As the rider approaches the first exit from the roundabout, Mr Penis Head, driving a Jaguar with stickers and logos enters the roundabout. The rider sounds his horn and after the driver stops and reverses into the roundabout a full and frank exchange of views follows, with Mr Penis Head delivering most of the frankness.
In his comments on YouTube, Urbane says: “I thought I was pretty diplomatic, considering the circumstances” and we tend to agree. Here’s how it went down in his own words:
Parental Advisory... Excessive swearing, aggressive behavior and stupid driving.
This rabid loon is called, by his own admission, Penishead Cockfacedcunt ;-0 although it said Mark on his sticker.
He is probably an inspirational figurehead and a fine representative for PowerSlideRides (logos and his name conveniently plastered all over his XJS), but I fear he may have had a tad too much high octane go-go juice in his veins, when he nearly ran me over this morning. Perhaps he had been drinking diesel instead of petrol that morning.
I hit my horn, as a warning, before the car is even on the roundabout, and (despite what he says) you can see that I am easily half way across before the car rips past, narrowly missing me on my bike.
He screeched to a halt and reversed round the roundabout (!) to confront me for having the temerity to honk my horn at him. But he soon scuttled back into his vehicle when I was not intimidated by his shiny piston shaped head and aggressive swearing.
I thought I was pretty diplomatic, considering the circumstances, if he had just said sorry everything would have been quickly forgotten. But now, I'm going to let the viewers decide...
Who do you think is being aggressive? 
While Mr Penis Head doesn't manage the sheer delivery speed and quantity of expletives of the previous holder of the title of Britain's Sweariest Driver, we think he makes up for it with a wider range of creative abuse. Coincidentally, or perhaps not if you believe that the car you drive says something about your personality - both of the potty mouthed protaganists drive Jags.
We should point out that although the car in this video clearly displays the name, phone numbers and website of a business that doesn't necessarily mean that the driver is associated with those phone numbers - and as the business in question has so far proved uncontactable the true identity of the driver cannot be verified - except that he goes by the name of Penis Head.
John has been writing about bikes and cycling for over 30 years since discovering that people were mug enough to pay him for it rather than expecting him to do an honest day's work.
He was heavily involved in the mountain bike boom of the late 1980s as a racer, team manager and race promoter, and that led to writing for Mountain Biking UK magazine shortly after its inception. He got the gig by phoning up the editor and telling him the magazine was rubbish and he could do better. Rather than telling him to get lost, MBUK editor Tym Manley called John’s bluff and the rest is history.
Since then he has worked on MTB Pro magazine and was editor of Maximum Mountain Bike and Australian Mountain Bike magazines, before switching to the web in 2000 to work for CyclingNews.com. Along with road.cc founder Tony Farrelly, John was on the launch team for BikeRadar.com and subsequently became editor in chief of Future Publishing’s group of cycling magazines and websites, including Cycling Plus, MBUK, What Mountain Bike and Procycling.
John has also written for Cyclist magazine, edited the BikeMagic website and was founding editor of TotalWomensCycling.com before handing over to someone far more representative of the site's main audience.
He joined road.cc in 2013. He lives in Cambridge where the lack of hills is more than made up for by the headwinds.
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192 comments
Here's what you're too wedded to your 'theory' to understand:
We're 100% aware that despite using road craft well, following the Highway Code, and being defensive, we're not safe because (some) drivers simply don't want to bother being careful drivers.
We take that as fact, but refuse to let those drivers be excused for their dangerous negligence.
I totally get that, and as one of the few non abusers left in the conversation I thank you...
I'm not wedded to my theory - what you've actually written is the whole crux of what i have been saying......
Where i disagree is your point about being 100% aware of the situation.
I have no doubt you personally are aware, However I do not feel you can speak for every cyclist and whilst that doesn't excuse the car drivers one iota it does make me wonder if those who lack that awareness do so out of lack of care, lack of knowledge or straightforward belligerence....
I feel all of the above hold, some cyclists are great some are ignorant, some are belligerent and some just don't care....
Once again (and it's sad that I have to keep saying this) It doesn't mean that car drivers should not be held responsible for what they do or don't do, but I do not feel that cyclists can absolve themselves of all responsibility for accidents if they do not take all possible steps to ensure it especially given that even if they do the chances are some idiot in a car will take them out anyway....
Does that make sense?
if it doesn't pm me your phone number and i will happily chat (in a totally unheated way - this is not me saying oiiii you, outside!) it over because i can see what i am saying and it isn't far off what you are...but i've no doubt someone will jump on this post and tell me i'm a troll or an idiot or whatever their word of choice may be this evening...
Personally i don't really care what you think I am.... A man knows who he is without the need for external validation but I do find it funny when even my reason for being on this forum is questioned....
please for the love of (whoever the patron saint of cyclists may be) why oh why would I have ventured over here and onto this thread if i had not been sent a link...
Your own webmaster will be able to tell you my ip address and if he is any good also the fact that i arrived here after clicking a link...
Nay, nay and thrice nay. I've commuted in central London by bike for ten years and I'm still here, which is pretty good evidence that I know how to cycle defensively. I've been had off three times and it's only because I've played quite a bit of contact sport and know how to take a fall that I've not been badly hurt. On precisely none of those three occasions did I contribute to the collision, other than by being there; one was a close overtake by a car pulling a wide trailer, one was a taxi doing a U-turn directly into me, and the most recent was a close overtake/dooring combo. There was nothing I could have done to avoid coming off, otherwise I'd have done it! There have been countless other near-misses that I have managed to narrowly avoid.
I would LOVE to be able to take full responsibility for my safety on the road, because getting hit hurts and 33 is a tad young to be made into road pizza. So, what do you suggest I do, other than stop riding my bike entirely, that will allow me to shoulder the entire burden of responsibility for my own safety?
Is there a horse in here or has it gone up Pompeii?
I agree i didn't put my point across perfectly in my comment to your earlier....
Does this help?
Once again (and it's sad that I have to keep saying this) It doesn't mean that car drivers should not be held responsible for what they do or don't do, but I do not feel that cyclists can absolve themselves of all responsibility for accidents if they do not take all possible steps to ensure it especially given that even if they do the chances are some idiot in a car will take them out anyway....
finally, serious question - I assume you were in earnest re your 355 ownership, is it a GTS, GTB or spider? and in all honesty do you know what was happening at Dunsfold today?
If so then i believe we do know each other....
Again, you're not making any sense. None. What is this sentence supposed to say, really? Do you even know what you mean?
It tries stringing the following segments together:
And it fails horribly. Technically, this is an English sentence. But it makes no sense. Do they, or don't they take all possible steps? That's an either-or proposition - and yet in both cases they are responsible for getting wiped out? What?
I think you're full of shite, you have no clue how to argue your point, and your actual point really is "get off my road, or it'll be your own fault if I run you over". Isn't it?
Good job, "Harry" (Mark). Good job.
I'm a car nut, so it's a manual GTB, of course. Am aware of the charity event at Dunsfold but didn't want to show up Chris Evans' LaFerrari with my Capristo.
I really don't think we know eachother, by the way.
OK, Harry_J... Read this statement, which is what I tried to say before. No, read it again, and again, and the text that went with it.
Yes, we're 100% aware (at least on this thread) about exactly how it works.
And again...
The only way that we can cycle, is to hand over some of our safety into the hands of other road users. That's fine.
It's the careless & homicidal we have issues with!
Okay ...
So, just to check, you're saying the Department for Transport is making this up?
It's bloody simple: Don't overtake. You're legally obliged NOT TO DO SO.
Yes, but apparently it's 'not practical' to give a toss about what you're legally obliged to do ...
There's a red light to be waited in front of, and those queues aren't going to form themselves now are they!
The bald ones with big red cars are always the worst.
Now, Mr Penis Head, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Mr Penis Head that didn't make a whole lot of sense.
Like his driving to start off with.
I really hope this twat gets his comeuppance. Perhaps next time he's about to join a round about he'll fail to see an HGV bearing down on him.
Has this actually been reported to the police?
'Now, Mr Penis Head, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Mr Penis Head that didn't make a whole lot of sense. '
* applause *
Sad to say, people like him are NOT that rare. I probably encounter this kind of behaviour 3 or 4 times a year, maybe more often.
And I'll get flamed; people will come on here and say I need to look at how I ride, that maybe I cause that behaviour. To be clear, the car cut across the cyclist, dangerously.
This happens to me frequently.
Maybe the driver didn't set out to deliberately cut across the cyclist, maybe the driver "just didn't see him". But his reaction was very typical; blaming someone else for his screw up, and reversing aggressively and stupidly to confront the cyclist when the driver is totally in the wrong.
The driver should be locked up and banned from driving for a very long time, he has no understanding of how to drive.
We wouldn't need separate infrastructure if all drivers (and not just ignorant self-important dicks like him) behaved with respect to other road users (not just folk on bikes) and were aware of the consequences of their actions.
What a delightful chap!!!!!!! NOT
Very apt name tho...........
It would be a real shame if someone set up a new Facebook profile for Mark and uploaded the video to the profile.
Just get it reported to the police. As a verbal assault and public order offence.
Wow you guys are serious sleuths... much better than i would be!
Well, the Mark i met had hair, he didn't look much like the guy in the video and the behaviour seems at odds with what I've heard but that's just my take, you're investigating the true identity and I'm glad about that - the important thing is that you don't vilify someone who is innocent.
However, the actual reason i registered and posted was to respond to the mail i received so as not to appear to ignore it which would have been rude.
Now, at the risk of really annoying everyone I'd like to ask a question regarding cyclists relationships to motorists as a completely separate topic.
I used to ride - motorbike and pushbikes but now I drive so i have experienced all sides.
Why the blanket animosity?
I've seen some seriously bad driving by motorists and also some seriously bad riding.
I've even had a conversation with someone who rode off the pavement straight into my path - I stopped in time ( i was doing 20mph luckily) but then got 5 mins of abuse in a similar vein to the video above - the parting shot was - i'm videoing this you'll be sorry.
I just wanted him to look before he killed himself (talking as an ex rider).
The more I drive in and around London the more I see dangerous riders abusing car drivers just for being there, cars barely crawl in town so cycling makes more sense but with some of these riders i'd be scared of being run down on my bike by another cyclist!
It seems to me that when we are in control of a vehicle we only see the other vehicle and not the person in control so we are dehumanised....... how do car drivers and cyclists coexist?
Bad cyclists are a nuisance and there are a fair few of them but generally they tend to risk only their own neck.
However, bad motorists kill and maim other people. One is too many.
Do you think he introduces himself like this to the children he works with?
Yeah, there are bad cyclist and just like all motorist you have your little anicdotal story of some bad cycling to help justify the on going bad treatment on more vulnerable road users, be they cyclists or pedestrians.
Yes cyclist get stuff wrong, but that very very rarely results in somebody (even the cyclist) being killed. the difference is that when motorist get something wrong people are killed by the thousand every year. Given the motorist likely hood of killing somebody with there deadly weapon is it unfair that they should be held to a much higher stand ?
"I disagree by the way, bad cyclists are just as dangerous as bad drivers...... imagine a cyclist swerving suddenly, a car avoiding him and crashing into another?"
"Imagine" being the operative word! give me an example of just this type of accident please, I'm sure the daily mail web site will be full of them if they every happen in any kind of significant number.
Motorist were responsible for in the region 2500 deaths and serious injury on the roads last year, cyclist a fraction of the number.
We keep score as you put it because people are being killed by motorists on a daily basics. Perhaps if you had a near death experience a couple of times a week at the hands of another motorist who looks you in the eye pulls out in front of you anyway you would be keeping score too.
The story isn't important - it's just an illustration and you're right, a one sided story doesn't hold any sway at all.
To get the truth you need to see both perspectives, there are bad drivers, there are bad cyclists, they all cause accidents, angst and trauma.
BUT.... there will always be cyclists, there will always be motorists, dogs, kids, bikers etc. They exist on the road. As a biker i was taught to ride defensively and assume the car had not seen me or would do something silly, not because they do it on purpose but because humans are fallible and prone to error... if they weren't there would not be any accidents at all and we would not be having this conversation.
So, my point is, once again, why not learn to co exist with motorists? you will not change the fact they are human so why try?
you've no doubt learnt how to ride defensively, you no doubt can drive - please tell me you've never made a mistake in either and I will shut up.
Please don't assume motorists are out to get you or that they don't care. Understand that behind the wheel there is a fallible human being just like there is on the your saddle holding the handlebars.
You are more vulnerable cycling but you choose to go out on the road in that state and must therefore ride to those conditions and we as motorists must cope with that too..... we don't want to hit you.
Funny really, I have driven & cycled around London for the last 20 years and had no accidents in a car but have been knocked off my bike 3 times by cars over the same period. So please Harry (or Mark), don't argue I ride my bike more recklessly than I drive my car or else I'll be obliged to conclude you really are the car driver in the video
So in the context of this story and the YouTube video above you think the cyclist should have just shrugged his shoulders and ridden off without a care in the world and the bullying thug in the xjs shouldn't have been held to account in anyway.
I'd like to live in a better world where people aren't killed by cars every single day of the week. The 'shit happens, get over it" argument might be fine when your sat in you ton of metal box going about your daily business but as a cyclist I expect and hope for better.
"You know Einstein's definition of insanity?
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."
I love cycling and think its worth the risk vs the rewards it gives.
@Harry_J
Forget your prior experiences of Mark/MrPH, and put aside the matter of whether or not it is him in the video.
Based on the driving and the behaviour of the driver in the video, what response do you believe it deserves from the Police/CPS?
Bit of handbags, but it's always amusing to see the most poor excuse for a male human getting out of a big car.
Grow up son, that car won't make you a man.
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