"They'll carry on with their cycle crusade, while we're stuck in the mess they made": Local paper publishes bizarre anti-bike lane poem protesting council's "new crazy scheme"

In a highbrow twist on the usual social media ranting about cycling infrastructure projects, one disgruntled Wirral resident has taken their complaints to the local press in the form of a poem protesting the "cycle crusade" council's "absurd" and "crazy scheme".

The Wirral Globe published The Quirky Poet's latest work 'Cycle lane controversy' which was inspired by the council's plans to redesign streets along a direct route from Birkenhead to Liscard town centres, a move the local authority believes will "improve accessibility, make streets safer for local people and provide high quality facilities for pedestrians and cyclists".

However, unimpressed by Wirral Council's £10m scheme — which will be funded via the Liverpool City Region Combined Authority Sustainable Transport Settlement and is to now to progress following a consultation that received 366 responses, with 45 per cent in support and 44 per cent against — the anonymous bard submitted their poetic protest to the local paper. It read...

The council's come up with a new crazy scheme — 'Let's build cycle lanes, a cyclist's dream!'

So you'd best find somewhere else to park, and don't waste time with complaints or remarks

If you're unlucky enough to live on these streets, any moan or protest will face defeats.

They'll spend twenty million, no problem at all— But parking fees are rising this autumnal fall,

To make up the shortfall, just a little demand— "Oh, that's a different budget," they'll say, head in hands Now, where are these cyclists, you may ask?

It's spotting one that's the real task.

For the lanes sit empty, mile after mile, But, oh, those council folk ride in style!

"Think of the planet!" they proudly cheer, Yet buses and lorries still crowd the rear.

And drivers, gridlocked and fit to explode, are simply directed to "share the road."

If you're unfortunate to reside on these roads, any complaints or protests will be ignored.

So here we are, in traffic jams tight, with bike lanes aplenty but none in sight— While ambulance crews look on in dismay, at a system that's led us all astray.

Ah, but consultations were held, they claim, with surveys and meetings (a bureaucrat's game).

But anyone doubting this master plan finds they're talking to the council's hand.

So if you're fed up and think it absurd, just remember: your voice won't be heard.

They'll carry on with their cycle crusade, while we're stuck in the mess they made

Remember: If you find yourself living on these lanes, Any whinge or protest will be in vain.

The response has been mixed, one reader responding online: "I was totally in favour of new bike lanes until I discovered they could provoke bad poetry. Now I'm not sure all of the benefits are worth it."

However, at the other end of the scale, another wrote: "The poet is absolutely right. Some yclists (sic) travel at 60mph on pavements and shared walkways. They don't use cycle lanes - very few do. We are pandering to a very small group. Even teenage school children cycle on the pavement rather than along the cycle lane beside it. I hate to see this wasteful use of money. Use it on policing dangerous riders."

The noise about the project has not been limited to anonymous internet ranting either, the local Conservative leader in July raising eyebrows with much-criticised comments about the plans being "a monumental waste of taxes" and a "recipe for disaster". Jeff Green claimed that the "majority" of residents were "against the scheme", "in spite of the Active Travel Taliban".

The Labour leader of Wirral Council hit back at the comments and accused his Tory counterpart of "spreading unwarranted misinformation" about the plans and argued that "such derogatory remarks have no place in a civilised society".

Information on the local authority's website states that the "ambitious plans" would see a route 3.5 miles in length connecting Birkenhead and Liscard town centres.

"The roads and streets will all still be public highway where cars are permitted – and car parking is still provided in parking bays or dedicated car parks. But the idea is to provide a much greater balance along these routes to those who wish to walk, run, cycle, scoot or drive to their destination," Wirral Council explained.

While it is the cycle lanes that have received most attention, the project also includes pavement upgrades, improved crossing areas, more street furniture and seating.