“Like somebody asked AI to make a video about cycling”: Chaos and carnage as cyclocross riders struggle and slide all over muddy “Takeshi’s Castle-style” hill; €8m a year Tadej Pogačar is “massively underpaid”, says former pro + more on the live blog

Now, we all know that cyclocross is a ridiculous – and brilliant – sport.

Road racing’s wacky, punky cousin, it almost always seems to deliver a heady blend of thrilling, all-out racing, extraordinary bike handling skills, terrible wintery conditions (mostly mud), often bizarre obstacles, and – especially when it’s in its spiritual home of Belgium – lots of beer and frites.

> “Don’t come to a bike race if you’re going to do this”: Cyclocross rider who stamped on rival’s bike has beer chucked on him by furious spectator

But while the best riders in the world spent their weekend racing under the watchful eye of a giant yellow duck (see what I’m talking about?) at the X20 Trofee race in Hamme, the sheer ridiculousness of cyclocross was cranked up a few notches at a race in Poland.

That’s because the first lap of the men’s elite race of the Superliga event in Władysławowo, in the north of Poland – and in particular one muddy, horribly off-camber hill and descent – delivered perhaps the best, and most chaotic, cycling clip of the year:

Cyclocross troubles 💩🛝 🇵🇱 pic.twitter.com/xXdKcknC6o

— Cyclocross24.com (@cyclocross24) November 19, 2024

Brilliant.

Faced with such a cruel cyclocross version of a kid’s water slide, a few of the leading riders did at least manage to glide up the grassier edge of the hill with little trouble (or at least were able to scramble their way to the top without sliding back down, clinging tightly to the mesh barriers at the side).

The rest, however, were left in a world of gripless misery, seemingly sucked into a doomed ‘cross vortex between the tree and the hay bale as the slippery surface claimed victim after victim.

And even if you did manage to make it to the top, there was still the threat of the quick downhill section, where – like young Tomasz Reca (number 25) – you could find yourself unceremoniously tumbling through the barriers and onto the road.

And spare a thought for the ‘star’ of the show, 19-year-old Šimon Tabara (number eight), who – despite entering the hill near the front – spent most of the clip getting closely acquainted with the tree while fruitlessly trying to regain his balance.

Šimon did, however, manage to make his way back down to the bottom for a second crack… only for history to repeat itself moments later. Poor fella.

And, if that wasn’t enough, the riders then had to tackle a section of sandy beach every lap. That’s just cruel. Although, it seems German Silas Koech didn’t mind, eventually beating home rider Ksawier Garnek by 33 seconds to take the win.

And at least the organiser’s barmy course kept everyone entertained.

“When people ask what does ‘off camber’ mean we have something to show to them,” said one Threads users, while another described the route as akin to madcap Japanese game show Takeshi’s Castle.

“This looks like somebody asked AI to make a video about cycling,” said Ville, and Alexander added: “What a mess”.

“I don’t understand who could possibly enjoy this,” pondered a baffled Maikel.

Simple – we do.

Forget your foldable helmets or David Millar’s commuter shoes you can wear with a suit, this is the commuter cycling crossover we’ve all been crying out for…

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Brendan Carberry (@outsidebrendan)

Just Alison Jackson doing Alison Jackson things.

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