We thought we’d seen everything. Turns out we were wrong. We love old stuff, we love new stuff, we love new stuff that tries so hard to be old stuff. Ladies and gentleman, we present the Tucker London Cycle Hairnet.
No words we could put together can better convey the thinking behind the product, and its target market, than those appearing on the brand’s website, so here they are. (To be honest we are not actually sure whether this is a spoof or not so we'll leave you to decide.)
The Tucker Cycle Hairnet
The Tucker hairnet is for the person who identifies with the technicality AND sartorial attributes of one’s bike, its components and related accessories/fashion.
The hairnet is a key piece worn by the greats of cycling history. It is enormously relevant to today’s urban cyclists because it is a paragon of sporting design excellence and is a treasured key piece to own for cycling aficionados.
The heroes of the 70s and 80s era in particular wore hairnets and peaked caps, they are immortalised in striking black and white photographs wearing these pieces. Today’s cyclists hold them in extremely high regard. To own one is a mark of understanding this world.
We can think of no better way for urban cyclists to do just that. On their commute, or when popping to the pub, say.
Available in black, white and red, the helmet is “handmade in London” from “beautiful Italian leather.”
Certainly, it would be an arresting sight in the window of a shop in … ooh, who knows … Soho, say, especially if there were no clue about its function, leading the curious to enter and find out more.
You’re wondering about the price, aren’t you?
£215.
But for that, you get a cap that normally retails at £20 thrown in.
Bargain.
You’ll note that the marketing copy doesn’t refer to the Tucker Cycle Hairnet as a “helmet” – presumably due to European consumer law that impose strict requirements on products labelled as such.
Pesky faceless bureaucrats in Brussels, eh?
Oh, that “Totally Mexico” reference in the headline?
That’s because the Tucker Cycle Hairnet reminds us of nothing so much as the helmet the great Eddy Merckx wore when he set the UCI Hour Record in Mexico in 1972.
And nothing whatsoever to do with Nathan Barley.
As if.
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33 comments
I don't think that Shane Sutton would approve of such headgear.
"Even the greatest stars / discover themselves in the looking glass." --Kraftwerk
"And sometimes find they are wearing sausages in their hair like some clogged-arteries May queen / and look away, red-cheeked." --maybe also Kraftwerk
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Wow - I still have my original hairnet helmet circa 1981 - black and yellow foam and plastic cover - can I get 250 smackers for it on eBay too?
comedy?
https://twitter.com/Si_Tucker/status/520167213270323200
https://twitter.com/Si_Tucker/status/735918931274301440
If it was one half of a brazier I might be interested in the person wearing it.
This is the most amazing thing I've seen on the interweb all year.
Can we find out who this Nathan Barley actually is, who has written this. Once we find him/her, we can all congregate outside their house pointing and laughing, erstwhile, I shall be wearing my most very aero and tightest lycra.
This comments secton has the potential to be the best comments section EVAR! (As long as the helmet debate monkies keep their heads down and covered.)
Get in the sea.
Think I've seen them at this shop in Brick Lane.
I'm not sure about it. My beard may get tangled in the chin strap.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyNQuLPTkvM
From their website, hilarious garbage!
Disclaimer.
We have revived and reworked the iconic leather cycle hairnet to be worn with style! It is precursor to the helmet, but it is NOT A SAFETY PRODUCT OR AN ALTERNATIVE TO A HELMET; rather it is a cultural signifier identifying one’s committed love of cycling heritage and, therefore, gives a sense of belonging to the past but in the cutting-edge present. If you are looking for a head protection product, you should spend your hard earned money on a first class helmet. Ride in style and with care!
Keep it foolish.
Peace and fukking.
@leviathan cycling around loads of European cities this summer, it struck me that no one wore helmets can't say I'd describe any of them as 'wankstains". I saw grannies whizzing about roundabouts and kids riding back bikes way to big for them, seemingly without a fear in the world. We don't need helmets or hi-viz, what we need is respect and care for one another.
haahhahhahhahh because love and a smile isall you need from the doctors in A and E whan you ride in a wall. Get a bike Get a good helmet. This STUPID hairnet is cgone with inch pitch chains. best we had at the time but humans march on. Ok to have retro jerseys...until it rains...Ok to have retro helment until you fall off.
I can imagine the muppets around their double espresso on monday morning, ok who will write the copy to try and sell this leather helmet. "Get Quinten, he is on his third marriage, so good and telling lies and looking to his girlfriend from 1979 as being the real love"
'To own one is a mark of understanding this world'
Bollox
Amazing.
I want what he's on, unless he rode in a wall.
Myles rants. It's on the label. Of ale, evidently.
Dafyddp, you seem to have misunderstood my post.* No where do I criticize the bareheaded ladies of Holland. I regularly cycle without a helmet myself. A pootle to the shops is fine, but if I am commuting to work or out for a training ride I will wear one.
I was pointing out that there are people we shall call 'helmet deniers' who appear on internet forums and state any pseudoscientific BS to deny the obvious. They see anyone stating that a helmet 'saved their life' as an intrinsic attack on their freedom not to wear one, and will say things like helmets cause more injuries, and demand empirical evidence that they work. Well unless they want to drop a concrete block on their heads I don't see any doing that experiment soon, so asking for the proof is pointless.
*or not read it.
Kevin Keegan crashing on superstars. That is all.
I started racing when Cinelli hairnets were one of the few 'helmets' available - barely enough to stop your ears being rubbed-off in a crash.
Should only be legal, nay mandatory, to wear such a thing on a naked cycle ride.
Does anyone else get a nostalgic whiff of nikwax dubbin just looking at the picture?
After checking the calendar to convince myself it's not April 1....
I suppose someone has to produce these things for people doing the Eroica etc and those who are vintage enthusiasts, but in the urban environment I ride through, no matter how discerrning I am about my carefully honed appearance, the unlimitless mocking and derision that would accompany the ride would make it a poor investment. I can make myself look silly in much cheaper ways too.
Some cracking pictures on their Instagram page though - although by visiting it and saying so I suppose I have just fed the monster and potentially made more interest in this frankly unecessary product!
It is actually 'better than nothing.' But as you say, there are some wankstains around here who would appear on a normal helmet debate saying that those polystyrene helmets do nothing (or increase injuries some how?) and that their skill will ensure their noggins never come into contact with anything harder than a crossword. And why wear a helmet when your guts are under a HGV, because: absolutes.
Pingu, duck!
Well jackson
The best thing about this is that the world can still see your geek pie while wearing it.
Well brown!
And you'll be protected when a driver on his Wasp runs you over
Its kind of scary and depressing when satirical television becomes real life
(Like how all modern television news makes The Day Today look restrained...)
Looks like the sort of thing disabled kids wear to stop them braining themselves when they fall over.
OMG, that's funny, I'm pissing myself laughing!
Yes. Shoreditch.
Has Hilda Ogden taken up cycling then?
I'm old enough to have worn one when they were legal for racing. They were shit then and they're shit now.
I despair that my beloved sport has become the plaything of pretensious, hipster wankmuffins.
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