British pro cyclist Leo Hayter to step away from cycling and Ineos Grenadiers after revealing five-year struggle with depression and anxiety

Ineos Grenadiers pro Leo Hayter says he will not ride for the team next year and that he will temporarily step away from his career as a professional cyclist after revealing a five-year struggle with depression and anxiety.

The 23-year-old, who was widely tipped as one of the sport’s future stars after winning the U23 versions of the Giro d’Italia and Liège-Bastogne-Liège before joining Ineos in the autumn of 2022, admitted in a candid, emotional blog post that he was diagnosed with depression in May last year, after suffering crippling bouts of high anxiety, panic attacks, and binge eating.

Hayter also revealed that, due to his mental health struggles, he has rarely been able to train consistently for a “few months” throughout his career, and that he had to be coaxed by his agent into travelling to Australia for the 2022 world road race championships – where, “convinced I would fail”, he then won a bronze medal in the U23 time trial.

After hitting an “all-time low” last May, which saw the Londoner unable to leave his house and led to him missing four months of his debut professional season with Ineos, Hayter revealed that he again reached “breaking point” at this year’s Tour de Hongrie in May, and has been unable to race or train since, prompting his decision to step away from the sport until he recovers.

However, the 23-year-old – the brother of fellow Ineos rider and double Olympic silver medallist Ethan Hayter – wrote that his cycling career is “not done” and it’s just “on pause” for the moment.

 

 

 

 

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“Hello everyone. A lot of you have noticed that I have been absent again this year,” Hayter wrote on his Instagram page on Friday afternoon.

“Without going into too much detail, I have been struggling for some years now. Last May I was diagnosed with depression, and although those symptoms at first improved, I have found myself in that same place again.

“I broke down this year and have not been training/racing for some time now. It’s unlikely I will return to professional cycling this year. For this same reason it’s also not realistic to continue with Team Ineos.”

(Zac Williams/SWpix.com)

In a candid, unflinchingly honest blog post, Hayter went into more detail about his struggles with depression, writing that “now is the right time to tell my story”.

“I have been struggling mentally the last five years. It is something that for a long time I just ‘dealt with’. I assumed I was just lazy, I lacked motivation,” he wrote.

“Last May I hit an all-time low. I was completely stuck. I couldn’t leave my apartment in Andorra; I could barely leave my bed. My support team at Ineos got me home and assessed professionally, where I was diagnosed with depression.

“I took a break from cycling, started medication, and was told I wasn’t expected to race again last year, but I quite quickly felt better.

“I ended up returning to the Tour of Guanxi at the end of the season, everything seemed on track. I was in the best place mentally and physically that I had been in for a very long time. I had a good off-season, but as soon as I came back to training those same negative perceptions and thoughts came back.

“Before the team’s December training camp I went into full panic mode, I could barely leave my bed. I was embarrassed that I wasn’t going to be at the camp at the level I wanted to be at. I didn’t really sleep any of these days, I didn’t train either. I break down into my own bubble, I don’t respond to anyone, and leave my phone on silent. It’s like I feel that I am letting people down, and that I can’t even control my own actions.”

With brother Ethan at the 2022 British road race championships (Alex Whitehead/SWpix.com)

Hayter also revealed that, when in a state of high anxiety before an important race or training camp, his coping mechanism is food, prompting a “vicious cycle” of worry about his weight.

“Obviously, as a professional athlete this is not ideal, but it’s uncontrollable to me,” he wrote. “I binge eat anything that’s in front of me, and then quite often will make myself sick. Then I will feel guilty for binging, starve myself, before being completely empty and eating loads of food again. Obviously, this leads to me gaining weight, when my goal is the opposite, causing more anxiety and continuing the same vicious cycle.

“I arrived at the December camp, the first week went well, and then the second week I was in bed with fever. I got back from the camp and went through the same thing as before the camp, I’m nervous for Tour Down Under, I’m undercooked and unfit. I go through anxiety ‘shocks’ constantly, my whole body freezes for moments – this is from your nervous system being in ‘fight or flight’ mode.

“It’s hard to explain the affect they have on me. My anxiety is just heightened. Things which would never usually bother me, like a car passing me on a road, just freeze me for a moment. It makes riding unenjoyable.”

(Zac Williams/SWpix.com)

After struggling to regain fitness in time throughout the opening period of the season, hindered by what he described as his own internal pressure to perform, Hayter says he reached “breaking point” before May’s Tour de Hongrie.

“The whole journey there I was repeatedly having anxiety shocks. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. At the airport I was told I didn’t need to race but I was determined. I put a poker face on, I went, and I rode OK. On return I was exhausted,” he says.

“I knew I couldn’t keep going as I was, but I also knew if I stopped to take a step back then realistically my career was in jeopardy. I spent days, weeks completely stuck. In the end I’m in a similar position now then I was those few months ago. I had another medical assessment, where it was clear that my depressive symptoms were not improving, and if anything, getting worse. That gave me some reassurance that it wasn’t just ‘me’.

“Something like this is not something that can be changed overnight, I am going through therapy currently but it’s a process. I’ve already done some sessions with a therapist that didn’t work out, so it’s back to square one. I’m very lucky to have access to the world’s leading psychologists through the team, so I will be working closely with them over the next period.”

(Alex Whitehead/SWpix.com)

Reflecting on his future within the sport – at least for the time being – Hayter continued: “It’s unlikely I will race again this year. There’s still time, and I could do it, but in hindsight it wasn’t a good choice to come back last year either.

“I’ve always had this thought process in my head that getting fitter and thinner made me happier, but it just covers up the real problem. As soon as I’m set back my negative thoughts come back, getting fitter is like putting a plaster over a wound that needs stitches.

“At the moment my future in cycling is also unclear. In this moment its unrealistic to continue as a professional cyclist so I will not be riding for Ineos next year.

“When I can get in the right place of mind there’s nothing I enjoy more. It’s like an addiction to me. That’s what makes It feel so painful that I can’t do it in this moment. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but I’m still not happy.

“Whatever happens, my cycling career is not done. Just on pause. I owe it to myself and to everyone who has worked so hard for me the last 10 years to get me to where I am.”